The Monkey

In my initial post, I used the term agony and euphoria to describe the dialectic of my emotional life. There is one product, however, that has brought me my highest highs and concomitant lowest lows… booze.

Yes, to the whole wide world: ‘I am an alcoholic.’ Actually, what my friends and family may or may not realize is that I am an: ‘escape-oholic’ I think this may stem from the fact that I was anesthetized on the operating table four times before the age of seven... I guess I got comfortable with the whole idea of exiting reality.

Truthfully, if there was a substance, let’s call it droc, that was relatively inexpensive, readily available, legal, non-fattening, totally wore off after five hours of sleep and didn’t shorten your life span considerably… I would be a drocoholic.

As Huey Lewis said a hundred years ago: ‘I want a new drug…’

But, if you look at that list and think of the one that fits the first three qualifications the best (out of the big four: booze, pot, coke and meth)… it’s booze. Actually, it’s the only one that meets the lawful qualification..... Oh, at this point in the post my conscience requires me to pause briefly for a Public Service Announcement: LEGALIZE MARIJUANA!!!!

Consequently, booze is the most cost effective, socially accepted and easily obtained psychic rocket fuel. So this is what I use.

Yes, I know, right now all you sensible folks are thinking: ‘Pete, but what about sobriety?’

Yeah right, in a nation mostly populated by power-hungry, money-grubbing, narrow-minded, insensitive little weasels, I’m not supposed to have some form of mental and emotional escape, a form of automatic, guilt-free rebellion???

I’m sorry world… as long as this bull has testicles; he’s going to keep on charging at that particular gate.